Wagons in the Sand
by Phantasmagoric PsychoJello
Summary: ummmmm..... i'm not too good at summaries... but just as a warning, this story will contain some very mature themes, like child abuse and rape, and... just PLEASE RR :


Ok, this is a Harry Potter fan fiction that me and my friend Cat wrote… the chapters I wrote by myself are labeled 'Ember' and Cat's are 'Clytemnestra' (yes, VERY long name, lol).

WARNING: its got child abuse and rape in it, if you can't deal with that, DON'T read.

The little girl slowly and gingerly sat down on the swing, wincing in pain anyway; wind tousling her already messy hair. Her feet barely reached the ground, as the swing had been thrown once over the fading blue bar so the older kids could swing easier, but the girl closed her almost unnaturally cerulean-blue eyes and the swing started moving as she looped an arm around the rusted chain. The girl sighed; glad for the few minute's peace and calmness the swings offered her. She opened her eyes after a minute, brushing some of her straight, shoulder length hair back into her face to cover a nasty cut on her right cheek, for she knew what would happen if someone saw.

The bell of the church a few streets away from her house chimed loudly like it did every hour signaling that it was five o'clock and the girl sighed again, sliding off of the swing, biting her lip involuntarily at the pain that came with it. She walked slowly over to the slides where she found her little sister of only four.

"Come on, Sasha, it's time to go home," the girl said to the toddler, trying, vainly, to smooth her baby-soft and very messy rib length, wavy blonde hair. She then frowned as she noticed something missing, "Sasha, where's Julie?"

"Went home, she said her tummy hurt real bad."

"Ok, come on then, where's your jacket?" Sasha picked it up from its crumpled place on a hand rail, but when she came back; her ghostly pale blue eyes had tears in them.

"I don't wanna go home, Ember!" Ember sighed, knowing that Sasha hadn't had her nap yet and when her nap was late, the little girl was often cranky, but she also knew the major reason that her baby sister didn't want to go home. Her mother's husband, the man who'd sired Sasha… Jack. Jack was by far not a nice man, nor was he an even mediocre father; he was, in short, a man who loved beer, women, and abusing the four children (Ember and her two sisters and Jack's son by another woman). Ember's mom, Kathy, had married Jack seven years before, two months after her first husband, Earl, Julie's father, had died in a car crash a month after Julie had been born. Ember was the only one without a 'father', meaning she was a so-called 'bastard-child', her mother had been raped and had had Ember at the young age of fifteen, nearly dieing in the experience. In any case, Jack loved beating the four children, especially, for whatever reason, Ember, though the other three got almost as bad beatings. Kathy had left Jack about five times in the seven years they'd been married, but she'd always come back to him cause she'd loved him so much. A small sob brought Ember out of her thoughts and she picked Sasha up, cradling the small child in her arms.

"I know you don't, sweet heart, but we've got to. You've got to take your nap and, you know what? After naptime, we'll have ice cream and momma will probably let you stay at Anna's house." Anna was Sasha's best friend, their next door neighbor, and though she was six to Sasha's four, she was still extremely nice to the little girl (without treating her like a baby). Sasha's tears stopped and Ember smiled.

"You like that idea?" she felt Sasha nodded, "ok, come on, munchkin, we've gotta get you home, now stand up for me." She put Sasha down, the little girl only sniffling slightly, and helped her get her purple jacket on (purple was Sasha's favorite color) and then took her hand, walking to her house, which was next door to the playground.

They snuck past Jack's pealing black, rusty 1950's truck and into the house, but apparently Jack knew they were home, for he came storming down the stairs looking madder than Ember had seen him in a while. She felt pangs of fright, but wouldn't show it in front of Sasha and could only hope Julie and David (Jack's five year old son) were ok.

"Sasha you little bitch!" He roared and Ember felt fear for Sasha for whenever he beat the child it was far too harsh for a toddler and now that he was in a rage, she didn't know, or want to know, what he'd do. She knelt down in front of Sasha who was trembling with tears of fright just pouring down her face.

"I didn't do anything, Ember!" she said tearfully but Ember didn't have any time to console her.

"I know honey, I know… Sasha, run over to Anna's home and stay there a while, it'll be ok, ok honey?" Sasha nodded tearfully but as the door to the kitchen ripped open, she needed no more convincing and tore out the door to outside and down the gravel driveway. Ember couldn't watch her though, for Jack grabbed her arm so hard she yelped and spun her round, slamming her hard into the wall.

"You little bitch, you're gonna pay." Ember always kept up a stony front in front of the younger ones, but truly she always felt pure fear in moments like these and now her eyes showed it as a fist connected with her face, jerking it sideways as she felt a busted lip. He picked her up by the waist and half-carried half-drug half-walked her out of the kitchen up the stairs and threw her down, forcing her to stand up, hands on the railing as he took off his huge, thick belt, pulling her too big and baggy corduroy pants (she wondered on many occasions if he did this to get sick, perverse pleasure from it). Ember gasped as she felt the belt, mainly the belt buckle, collide hard against her, again and again well past twenty until he finally cooled off and threw her on the ground, her back slamming against the wall, making her head ache horribly. She kept her eyes squeezed tightly closed, waiting for him to leave. Right as she thought he was gone he delivered a hard, sharp kick to her ribs that hurt so bad she felt tears falling down her face. She remained completely still for a good ten minutes and then, slowly, opened her eyes, wiping tears off her face and standing up, hunched over and holding her ribs as she pulled her pants up and looked up to find David watching from his bedroom, tears of fright on his small face, brown eyes wide and terrified, Ember winced as she saw a bruise on his left eye, one that had Inot/I been there when her and Sasha and Julie'd left that morning (David hadn't felt good so he'd stayed home).

"Aw, it's ok, sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you hurt bad?" she knew that yes, he was hurt, so it would've been silly to not include the 'bad' part. David shook his head, long dark blonde hair flopping in his face and his lower lip trembled. Ember winced slightly as she made her way over to the little boy, "scared?" He nodded, bursting into tears again. Ember picked him up gingerly, completely aware of the shooting pain in her ribs, and took him into his bedroom sitting down very gently on his bed and holding him in her lap as he tried to bury his face in her neck, "wait David," he nodded slightly, "You're scared because of what just happened?" He nodded.

"Daddy was real mad; I don't like him hurting you."

"Aw, I know my little chipmunk," chipmunk was her special name for him like munchkin was her special name for Sasha, "but no matter what Jack does to me, I'll always be here for you, I promise." She then let him bury his face in her neck and let him cry out all his fear and confusion, finally feeling him fall asleep and tucking him in. She then remembered Sasha saying that Julie'd left cause she didn't feel good and made her way to the end of the hall where Julie and Sasha shared a room, ignoring the shooting pain in her ribs, she knew they weren't broken so she didn't do anything about them. She saw her little sister curled up into a ball on her bed, shoulder length, straight brown hair tousled. She went over to the bed and saw Julie was still awake.

"You ok, sunshine?" Sunshine was her name for Julie, that and Jules. Julie shook her head and whimpered.

"Tummy hurts."

"Oh I know sweet heart. Let me feel your head," she frowned as she felt a slight temperature, but nothing to call the doctor or her mom about, "you feel sick or anything, Jules?"

"Uh-uh," she shook her head no.

"Just your tummy hurts?" Julie shook her head, turning to face Ember.

"My head, too," Ember nodded.

"I'll be right back, just stay in bed, my sunshine, ok?" Julie nodded, biting her lip.

"I heard Jack earlier, I couldn't get out of bed; it hurt too bad…. I'm sorry you got beat." Ember smiled, reaching down to hug her younger sister.

"It's ok, Jules, I'm just glad it wasn't one of you guys." With that she went into the upstairs bathroom, next door to her room and got some children's Tylenol for Julie then headed back into Julie's room, "here you go," after Julie took it, Ember told her a bed time story and tucked Julie in, then heading for her room to lay down on her bed.

The smell of Lavender (her mom's perfume) and a pair of hands shaking her woke Ember up. Groaning, she turned over sleepily to see her mom and a very frightened Sasha. Immediately she was alert, but before she could ask what was wrong, her mom spoke.

"What happened, Ember? Sasha met me in the driveway scared to death saying something about Jack being really mad." The four year old still looked scared to death and slowly Ember sat up, mindful of both her ribs and where he'd beaten her with the belt and picked up Sasha into her lap for lap time as they called it, then she told her mom everything that happened.

"But I'm ok," she finished then paused, "But Julie's got a stomach ache… I think… I gave her some children's Tylenol and now she's sleeping."

"That was good of you," Kathy said, but then sighed, "Do you know what got Jack angry?" Sasha and Ember shook their heads no at the same time, "Just stay clear of the house next time he's in a mood, he throws the stupidest temper tantrums," their mom sighed again and Ember tried not to roll her eyes. Her mom loved Jack too much to see the blatantly obvious, but then again, Kathy didn't really know how bad the beatings were, she'd never really seen the damage done (except to their faces), because Ember usually was the one around to fix all of the little ones and herself up as their mom worked two jobs, one muggle and one magical, to keep food on the table, since Jack was too stupid or lazy to get a job, "well, I've got to go fix supper. Are you sure you're ok, honey?" Ember nodded.

"Yeah, momma," Kathy smiled.

"That's my girl," she hugged both children and left the room.

"I'm scared, Ember," Sasha whimpered after a minute.

"Of what?"

"Daddy, he's scary."

"Well, I'm always here for you; you know that, I'll never ever let him hurt you real bad. Hey, in a few years, you, Jules, me and maybe even David will all be at Hogwarts together away from him." Sasha smiled and snuggled against Ember, but after a second she sat straight again.

"But you'll be going to Hog-ars, soon," Sasha couldn't say Hogwarts right, so said it as Hog-ars.

"I won't let him hurt you bad, I won't." Ember repeated firmly, but still not sure if she could keep this promise. Another thing she wasn't sure of was if she really was going to Hogwarts.

She could only hope so.

Ember sighed, putting the last dried dish into the dish holder that sat next to the sink, tying her red hair back into the ponytail that it was trying to fall out of. She turned around and hung the towel back up and was about to turn back round as something whooshed past her, landing with a clatter on the table (thankfully free of plates and all). After a stunned, silent minute, Ember made her way slowly over to the table to see that the thing was in fact a rather ruffled looking Snowy owl, an envelope tied to its leg. Ember sucked in a sharp breath; she knew what this owl was, and what the letter tied to its leg was…. But for her? Quickly untying the envelope, she read the address…. Sure enough… for her.

She was about to open it, but jumped slightly, caught of guard, as the door to the kitchen slammed open, her mom coming into the room, looking very annoyed, being followed by Jack, who was most likely hounding her over _something_, but the two stopped short as they saw Ember, the envelope and the owl.

"Mo--," Ember's words were cut off as Jack grabbed her arm so hard she almost cried out, the other hand trying to pry the letter out of her hand, her naturally fighting back, but Jack, being 6 ft. 3 in. and weighing over 200 pounds, had the advantage over Ember, who was just 4 ft. 5 in. and very skinny for her height, "Momma!" She yelped in pain, for he was twisting her arm in his vice like grip, rough, jagged fingernails cutting deep into her skin as the other hand seemed to be doing its damn-dest to break her fingers, and in any case, if this was what it looked like, her mom, not Jack, needed to see it.

"Jack, leave her alone!"' Her mom snatched Ember out of Jack's grip, holding a protective arm around Ember's shoulders, "Christ, Jack, you don't know your own strength!" It was all Ember could do to not burst out laughing right there. Yeah right, he didn't know his own strength, bull shit.

"Momma, I think it's the letter!" Ember said, holding up the now rather crumpled letter. Her mom took the envelope and opened it, eyes quickly scanning it and then she lowered it, beaming proudly at her oldest and hugged her.

"It is, sweetheart,"

"No, there is no way she's going to no freak school!" Jack cut in.

"It's not a freak school, it's Hogwarts!" Ember shouted, enraged and suddenly very bold, "If anybody or anything were a freak, it'd be you, you…"

"Don't you sass me you little brat!" he started for Ember and Ember backed up, realizing too late what her, in her anger had said, and was ready to run, but her mom got in front of her.

"Jack, we need to talk." She said seriously and took Jack by the hand, leading him off into the next room and locking the door.

Ember sighed, sitting down and rubbing her now sore left arm, soon realizing two things, the owl was gone, and the crescent moon shapes that Jack's ugly fingernails had left; were now bleeding, for blood trickled down her arm and blood was on her fingers. She sighed and went over to the sink, turning on the water and washing her arm off. As she was drying her arm, and cursing Jack in her head, realization dawned on her…

That was her Hogwarts letter…. She was a witch… she was going to Hogwarts…. Though she had magic in her blood (as her mom said), and seeing as her mom was a witch and the bastard who raped her mom was a wizard, she was 'pure blood', though she didn't know if that meant anything or not, she'd never really considered herself 'magical', for she'd not done anything outstanding in the magic field…. Well, besides that time when the book shelf had fallen on top of Jack a year before when he'd been beating David for something he'd not done and Ember had been very mad… she laughed quietly at the memory, but instantly quieted as the door opened and her mom walked in first, a smile on her face.

"I'm going?"

"Yes!" her mom hugged her again, but the two broke apart as they heard Sasha call out for their mom.

"I'll go see what's wrong." Ember said, taking the chance to get away from Jack, who was giving her a rather frightening glare. As she practically ran up the stairs, she felt like she could burst from happiness, but at the same time, she could hardly dare to believe it.

She was going to Hogwarts.

Ember quickly decided that Diagon Alley was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen as she stood there, holding David and Sasha's hands next to their mom, only David and Sasha had come, apparently Julie's 'stomach-ache' was from being sick, and since, according to Jack, 'she wasn't sick enough for them to waste money on a doctor', her little sunshine had to suffer at home, Ember could only hope Jack wouldn't use them being gone as an excuse to beat on Julie.

"Ok," their mother's voice brought Ember out of her thoughts, "we're gonna split up, it'll be easier and quicker that way, Sasha and David and I are going to get the books, cauldrons and that kind of stuff, and Ember, you get the robes and the wand, ok?" Ember nodded, "and we'll meet at Florean Fortesque's for some ice cream." Ember laughed as the two little ones cheered.

"Ok momma," her mom gave her some Galleons, Sickles and Knuts and then turned and Ember watched the three leave, turning round and going the opposite, way, not really knowing at all where she was going, just hoping that she didn't get hopelessly lost. As she made her way down Diagon Alley, she could feel stares on her and she knew why, too. Though these people were dressed odd, she still stood out and probably looked like a little waif. She was somewhat small for her age, though not drastically so, but was very skinny for her height, as her mom said, she was pretty much skin and bone, really, all four children were too skinny, and her red hair was down to hide the bruises on the back of her neck from Jack's choke hold the night before and was very tousled (as usual). There was a bruise over her left eye from the night before and she wore a too big, very patched gray shirt of her older cousin's that looked more like a knee-length, ridiculously baggy gray dress, and her other older cousins four sizes too big blue corduroy pants with too big boots underneath, and, all in all, she knew she must've looked like a waif-child.

She finally found her way to Madame Malkins and was taken back by a witch dressed in hot pink robes, where she was told to stand on a stool to be measured. She stood next to a girl with long, straight white-blonde hair and piercing, ice like, blue eyes and an upturned nose with a face that gave the expression like she was smelling dung. She was dressed in almost painfully perfect emerald green robes and stood pin straight with an air of superiority and haughtiness surrounding her and Ember shifted, uncomfortable, wishing she stood somewhere else, though the girl seemed to be completely ignoring her and everything else around her. On her left stood another blonde girl, though decidedly different looking, with very long, wavy, dirty blonde hair and very dreamy, very big gray eyes, with a bottle cap necklace, an air of dreamy floatiness around her, also wearing robes, but blue ones with golden, twinkling stars that was about as disheveled as her hair, though, like the other girl, she seemed to be ignoring everything, she seemed more off in her own little world than disgusted by everything like the other girl seemed, and Ember felt decidedly more comfortable around her than the other blonde. Thankfully the blonde that was more unnerving was done first, stepping off the stool, not hopping like most eleven year olds would, walking straight out the door, nose in the air.

"She seems rather rude, doesn't she?" Ember almost jumped at the dreamy voice, realizing finally that the girl on her right was speaking to her. Ember smiled, 'rather rude' seemed like a nice way of putting it.

"Actually, she seemed like she had a piece of dung under her nose," the two girls laughed for a minute, both quieting when two witches in pink came over to measure them.

"I'm Willow Cendrin," the girl introduced herself, turning her head only slightly as they had to remain stock-still for the measurements.

"Ember Dowels," Ember replied, cocking her head slightly to look at the other girl. Willow's robes were done before Ember's and she hopped down from her stool,

"Well, I've got to go… if we don't run into each other again here; I'll see you on the Platform." Ember smiled and nodded, trying to ignore the witch that worked on her robes' comments about how skinny she was. Ember watched Willow skip outside to a taller version of her who Ember assumed was her mother and the two walked off talking animatedly about something.

Ember sighed in relief as the ordeal was finally over; ending only a few minutes after Willow had left, though it felt like a few hours. She hopped down off the stool, paying for the robes and leaving, all too ready to leave behind the ugly witches in putrid pink and the comments about her skinny-ness…. It wasn't like she had some Eating Disorder… her family was poor and she'd never eaten much to start with, anyway. She was so caught up in leaving that store behind that she didn't pay attention to what… or whom… was in front of her and wound up ramming head on into someone else, sending both crashing into Diagon Alley. She hurriedly got up, all too ready to apologize to whoever she'd rammed into when she felt herself being pushed back down, a jeer accompanying those hands that pushed her.

"Watch where you're going, moron," she looked up only slightly to see a much taller boy with putrid looking brown hair that looked like it had never seen an ounce of soap in the boy's life, and the most dour looking face she'd ever seen, with glaring brown eyes and a huge nose.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly and quietly, still on the ground, not looking him in the eyes, hoping he'd just leave.

"You'd better be," and with that, he left. She climbed to her feet the second time, thankful that nobody was staring, but still feeling incredibly stupid all the same. Not waiting to see if the boy came back, she all but ran to Olivander's Wand Shop, all but diving inside as if it were a Mecca or something.

It was quiet; that was the first thing she noticed. Not the comfortable quiet of the house without Jack at home, nor the soothing quiet of the muggle library at home, but quiet like a tomb, imposing quiet. It was also quite dusty and huge and Ember almost wished her mother had come with her for the wand part.

"Ah… Ember Dowels, come to get your wand, eh?" the voice made Ember jumped and the man who appeared seemingly out of nowhere did nothing to help her rapidly fraying nerves.

'_And how did he know my name?_' she thought, but let it go. Olivander was a small, skinny man, though not much taller than her, he had an aura about him that put Ember on edge… but then again, most things put her on edge and made her jumpy… his white, thin hair was a testament to his age and his huge, moon like, unblinking silver eyes did nothing to disarm her.

"Seems like just yesterday your mother was in here…. I remember every wand that goes out of here, and no two wands are alike, as no two animals that are part of the wands are alike…. Ah yes, your mothers' was… Phoenix feather, Beachwood, 13 inches, good with Charms…. But we're here for your wand… the wand chooses the wizard… or witch, you know… so then, lets see which wand chooses you…. What is your wand hand?"

"My… left…." Ember said slowly, a bit thrown with his ramblings, hoping that she wasn't alone in this odd shop with a madman. She watched almost detached as a tape measure measured her not only her arm, but pretty much her whole body, including…. Her _nose_?

"Ok, that's enough for you," Olivander said to the tape measure and life seemed to ebb out of it as it crumpled limply onto the floor, "here, Phoenix heartstring, Ash, 18 inches, give it a wave." She did as she was told, feeling rather silly.

Nothing happened.

"No, no, no, try _this_ one, maple, Unicorn hair, 13 inches, good for Defense Against the Dark Arts," she took it in her hand, surprised at the warmth that grew between her fingertips and the wand, flowing up her arm and through her body like electricity, giving her a sudden, and beautiful rush and, without her brain even needing the command, she swished it through the air, orange and green and purple sparks flying out of it and Olivander actually smiled.

"This wand chose you then, young Ember…." Though she didn't want to be parted with the wand, which still was sending almost reassuring floods of warmth throughout her, she let Olivander take it, bagging it up and handing it to her after she paid the seven galleons. She walked out of the store, glad to be back in noisy Diagon Alley, now very excited to get to school to be able to use this wand, and wondering if that beautiful feeling… a high almost, was what others getting their wand, too, felt.

Holding her bags tightly in her hands, Ember made her way to Florean Fortesque's, wondering if her mother and Sasha and David had made it there yet and hoping she wouldn't run into that boy again.

Though Diagon Alley and Hogwarts were only separated by a few weeks, they felt like years to Ember and she waited, mostly impatiently, for the first of September when she would leave for that blessed school that would free her from Jack for a few months. As the days went by, the gap between her and Hogwarts rapidly closing, she grew more nervous. It was not about leaving home, but about leaving her three little siblings. Her mother would protect them, sure, but the fact that she wasn't home much coupled with her love for Jack did nothing to ensure a safety for the little ones.

Ember sighed, these thoughts running through her mind as she fought for sleep the night before school. She finally shook her head, trying to clear it.

_I'll think of something tomorrow_ she resolved, drifting finally off to sleep.


End file.
